beauty · blog · young love

Why I should’ve let myself die at 16

First a big thanks to everyone who wrote in a shared little insights about what you would tell a younger version of yourself. If you want to send in your advice I’ll CONTINUOUSLY add to this blog, as long as you keep righting i’ll Keep adding!   

“Stop, Andrea, you’re such a screw up”, was a daily, almost hourly, thought of mine as teenager. The main thing I wish I could tell her is to love yourself, not the version of you that you build for others. I would explain how damaging those thoughts were and how long lasting the scares are.

The biggest struggle of my teenage years would of course be over a boy. Isn’t that most young women, women and general, usually about a boy?

A boy, a boy, a boy.

My science brained husband told me one day about a problem beach bartenders faced called Phytophotodermatitis (Margarita photodermatitis). It’s when lime juice is on the skin and sunlight hits it. It look and feels like a chemical reaction, seriously don’t look it up unless you have a strong stomach. 

He was  the sunlight, smiling and inviting. I was the lime, cute, little, tart, and a sweet. Everyone loves both, everyone craves both, but combined them and you have a mess. 

This boy was the top athlete and the most charming. We meet in our awkward middle school years and I watch him turn more handsome and charming and he was my best friend.Our sweet little high school sweetheart romance turned toxic. I unfortunately went on a downward spiral, I went from thin and outgoing to sickly and introverted.I don’t know what came first, the chicken or the egg, whether I slide backwards from a reckless romance and some crappy friendships, or if my pulling away from reality sparked those things into happening.

All i know is I ended up in a dark place, a place that scared my mom, a place that scared me. I can’t blame anyone, I kept revving that relationship, I kept letting friends who cut me deep back in. I did that with no thought. I was born with a heart bigger than my mind can control sometimes, I don’t say that braggingly because it’s gotten me in a lot of trouble. 

“you put to death all the base pursuits of the body, then you will live”

This place was so dark and I was controlled by the world around me that I wanted to let go. I wanted to disappear. Nights in a hospital bed from Crohns I would ask God to “just take me, I’m of no use down here”  

I was chasing after people’s love and acceptance. I was living for petty things. I thought all I wanted to is help people, but really I was just living for other people, 

The reason I say I should’ve let myself die at 16 is because I should have. I should have let that sad pitiful self die. She was useless. She wasn’t helping anyone and was only hurting her self. If I ever would’ve let go I never would’ve gotten as hurt as I did. I wouldn’t have the lasting scares, phobias, insecurities, and I may even be a better friend, leader, employee.

I should’ve let that girl die so a new me could come out. Leave all the drama behind me, move on, leave that school, leave those friends that boy behind. So many people said that if i run from my problems in high school I’d never stop running, that’s bull crap. If I would’ve ran from that deep dark hole I was in, let that girl die, and start over, I’d have a brand new start and a lot less hurt.

My advice to younger me is: let that old sad girl die, let go of all those people who keep hurting you because they’re hurting too and you can’t help them right now.  Be strong, don’t worry about never being good enough to love, someday you will find love in a man and in friends. Forgive all the people around you and move the heck  on! 

One day you’ll have your own Prince Charming and it will be better than you dreamed of. I know you feel like you don’t fit in anywhere and no one understands who you are, but your Prince Charming does. He’s the place you fit it, he’s the odd ball out with you. He’ll protect your gentle heart and encourage your dreams.  He sees you for you are, not what he wants you to be. Hold out and hold on because he comes into your life in the strangest way. A&C0007

Here are what all of you guys told me you would say to your younger self

Don’t dislike who you are because if you play it right you’ll use it for greatness in the future.

No boy can love you better than your Daddy!

Not popular because I was a country girl with a very strict dad. I was the one with few dates because I did not put out and had to be home early.After 2 bad marriage and 2 great sons. I ended up with my high school crush and college love. When have been married almost 19 year. I am 50 years old now 

I’d like to let myself know that eventually I’d feel comfortable in my own skin. And that college was going to be the best time of my life by learning to love myself.

I’d say there’s more to life than your clothes and makeup and the two parties this weekend…. All your so called friends are just fair weather friends… When you need someone the only people there will be mom and dad…. Invest your time there because someday you may live many hours away from them… And you will long for 10 minutes with them….

This is not real life. You’re in a bubble. The real world is so much better! Despite what everyone keeps saying, these are NOT the best years of your life. Your life can and will continue to only get better! It won’t always be easy, but God will be with you. You will be free from the fake high school world soon, hang on! In the real world fake doesn’t fly. Almost everyone who is popular, fake, and a jerk now will become miserable unhappy adults when they get older because of their mindset and you will be so thankful you didn’t try to just follow the crowd.lso, I would tell myself to stay as far away from the boyfriend I had in high school as possible. And to break up with him and forget about him. That he would never change. And that wasn’t my fault or because I didn’t “love” him enough. Only him submitting to God would ever change him. I would tell myself that I didn’t even know the amount of love I was deserving of…and that even if I made a list of what I wanted in a dream man that I still in my wildest dreams would not be able to imagine what an incredible husband God had for me and that even if I tried I couldn’t imagine how much he would truly love me. Because I thought I knew what love was, but I was wrong.

These moments that feel monumental are fleeting. You are worth much more than second best. You are worth more than holding on to anything less. Time will reveal Gods true plan. You are much to beautiful to ever feel second to anyone. This post reminds me much of myself. Your story will help others . I’m still not brave enough to completely share mind.

I’d say there are things in life called clothes and makeup (or at least trying to do your hair and make yourself presentable). They are gifts and ones that are to be used sometimes. I was maybe a bit to comfortable in my skin (if such a thing exists). Go outside the comfort of your sweats and tshirts when your not playing sports. Sometimes, looking nicer when you can, actually makes you feel better and can change your countenance for a day. Try it every now and then so when you have to in college it wont be a culture shock.

I would say a lot (obviously only if it didn’t change the outcome of my two wonderful children & of two step children) but I’d say take more control of your own life … Seek God on a deep personal level and use His wisdom and guidance to help you take control of your life and destiny! Watch out for jerk boyfriends & ex husbands and especially DON’T worry about petty high school stuff and people!!! They don’t matter …. Be who you are and who God intended you to be! Really hide God’s word in your heart more than you thought possible and practice the fruits of the spirit even more than you truly did ! Everyone can always do better at that !! Be the best version of yourself that you can be! And worry a whole lot less! Life does go on and you will be happy!

Learn all that you can, listen for God’s words, pray, talk less, listen listen, think before speaking, WWGD!!

That the kids that bullied you daily are mixed up and many are miserable but you are loved completely by your husband, boys, family and friends. You have a great job and feel blessed in your life

The quality of your life will be directly affected by the way you deal with people you come in contact with, bullies, poor, rich, evil, and just plan crazy!!! Think about it!!

There are so many things I’d want to say but I guess at the crux of it all is this: If you do take the wrong road, never believe that you can’t go back. Most of my bad decisions were made after I’d initially messed up and believed my hopes and dreams for the future were over.

I got made fun of for being so skinny, but remember you always your friend by my side.

Growing up is hard, that’s when you learn to reach inside and rely on your inner strength and faith to grow and mature. Glad you are well on your way. It’s a continuing journey. I’m still growing in several ways

“You are more beautiful than you know. What counts more than anything is your inner beauty that reflects outwardly. You are nice, sweet, considerate to all those around you. Those who treat you unkind do so because they don’t really know you, but you possess a quality that they feel inferior to. This quality makes you an easy target because, in spite of their ugliness toward you, you love them anyway. You turn the other cheek. They don’t even realize that they really like you and what they really would like is ‘to be more like you.’ But some come from homes that do not possess the love like yours. They learn competition, having to fend, vying for love, and they carry it into the world with them. Some are just jealous. And those who feel that they have to show out to others by mistreating you are desperate for love, attention, or both. Find a way to give them both. This works in dealing with bullies most times, too. You see, the world is perfect for no one. Everyone hurts. Everyone has insecurity of some kind. Lift your chin up. Smile. Embrace your meekness. Be thankful you are kind, considerate, loving to others. ‘You is kind. You is special. You is important.’ Keep doing your part to make the world a better place. Keep being a friend to the friendless and shunned. ‘Love your enemies and pray for those who spitefully use you.’ You make a difference – even when you’re quiet as a mouse.”

I would tell myself that i had the “I don’t care what you think about me” attitude all wrong. In reality I did care, but I certainly should have acted like I did. I would tell myself at the end of the day the only thing you really have is your reputation, and who you hang out with and how you dress and how you conduct yourself is absolutely important. I would also tell myself that momma is always right (the only things open after midnight are legs and hospitals) and to save myself a lot of trouble and disappointment, I should listen to her

I would say something like, it’s okay to start losing your friends… You’re better for it anyway. The real, true friends will stick with you, and fake ones making bad choices will leave. And it’s okay.
I’d let her know her best days were in the near future. And I’d let her know she wants to be a teacher, it would save me a lot of stress right now. Lol

If I could write my high school self I would tell her to stay strong. It may seem hard right now, but God has some amazing things ahead for you. Just keep doing what your doing and give your heart to God %100. Commit to college and finish. Going back to college as an adult is not easy and not fun. Don’t fall for boys so easily. In fact don’t base your happiness off of them at all. Don’t even think about them. Live for yourself and for God all else will follow.

Whatever age you are, who ever you are, be strong, be kind, and love who you are. Just breath and try to enjoy your life.




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